Tragedy Shaped Her
by Dustfingers-Angel
Summary: (My OC) Charlie's past is filled with bad memories. John wants to understand but Charlie won't open up. Serious trigger warning - murder, rape, physical abuse, self harm, eating disorder, institutionalisation, orphaned - M rated for caution. Part of my Charlie James series. Explains about her brothers - as promised, but it is super dark, sorry. Disclaimer; i don't own Sherlock
1. He read her file

John was cautious when he came through. He had read her file and now he couldn't help but confront Charlie about a few small details, and to make sure she was okay. "Charlie?"

"Sherlock will be back soon" she said, gazing down at her phone.

The young woman was curled up in Sherlock's chair, she looked up, then Charlie saw the file in John's hand. "Why have you got _that_?" her jaw clenched and she tensed up, glaring at the folder.

"I-"

"You've read it." It was not a question.

"Yes, Charlie-"

"_Why_ did you _read_ it?"

"I just-"

"You _shouldn't_ have."

"I just wanted to-"

"I don't care. You shouldn't have read it. I don't want to hear anything you have to say about it. Put it back where you found it and never mention it again." Charlie struggled to keep herself calm and her breathing even.

John faltered in shock. He was aware that the information in the file was sensitive to Charlie, but her reaction was unexpected to say the least. "Charlie I read it b-"

"Shut up! I don't care! Just _shut up_!" She leapt out of the chair and across the room before John could say another word.

"Charlie!" John yelled after her as she stormed down the stairs.

Charlie pulled on the coat she had picked up on the way out of the living room as she spun round the turn in the stairs. Rage was boiling inside her and she knew that if she didn't leave now she would lash out at John, and she would not allow that.

As she went to storm out of 221B, the door opened and Sherlock suddenly blocked her way. Sherlock could see the distress on her face, the fear and rage. "Charlie?" She couldn't look at him, her whole body trembled as her desperation to leave became clear. "Charlie, are you okay?" Sherlock voice was soft. He stepped up to her and held her arms, "_Charlie?_"

"He read my file" she whispered to quiet for him to hear, her jaw trembling.

"Charlie?"

"My file… John…_read_…"

"Oh" Sherlock looked crestfallen; gently he put his hands on her shoulders. Charlie remained stock still.

"I want to go" she whimpered. Sherlock let her go and nodded seriously.

"If you start feeling down you phone me, okay? No texting, I want to here your voice." As Sherlock spoke he looked into Charlie's eyes, one to the other and back again, trying to get her to look back.

She nodded.

Again Sherlock stepped closer to Charlie and put his arms around her. Sherlock's hands went beneath her coat and into the back pockets of her jeans; Charlie tensed and clenched her jaw, knowing what Sherlock would find. Without expressing any emotion, Sherlock pulled the blades out of Charlie's jeans along with her purse.

"I thought you said you got rid of these" he said, opening the hand with the blades in it.

"At one point I did. Can I go?"

"Is there any more?"

Charlie robotically took another blade out of her coat and put it in Sherlock's hand. "There are two in our room, on the bookcase. I'm leaving now"

"Yes." Sherlock said blankly "And Charlie, be careful, and phone me"

She nodded and Sherlock let her past. He looked up at the landing where John had been standing throughout the whole conversation.

"You shouldn't have done that" Sherlock called up to the older man calmly. He bounded up the stairs, taking then two at a time.

"I… I didn't…" John faltered.

"You didn't know. But you should have left that file alone – don't you think that if Charlie _wanted_ you to know about her background she would have _told you_!" Sherlock's anger rose as he spoke. The younger man barged past John and up into the living room, John followed without a seconds thought.

"I just wanted to tell her I was sorry" John tried to explain.

"Charlie doesn't want to here _'sorry'_ any more, she had years of it – her father died, her mother was murdered and there wasn't anything she could do to resolve it, she had no choice but to watch as her younger brothers were beaten, or the rape she suffered constantly would have gotten worse. Then she had to cope with murdering her step-father and the emotional consequences of that. Then the alcoholism, then the guilt of not being able to provide for her brothers, then their deaths." Sherlock took a deep breath "John, Charlie has had people telling her they were sorry for her all her life and she _hates_ it. It makes her feel helpless and weak. You shouldn't have said anything."

John looked mildly traumatised. "I didn't…"

"_Think_, John. You didn't _think_."

"I'm sorry" John whispered.

"Oh and you just had to do it _today_, didn't you" Sherlock snarled.

"Today…?" John questioned before he realised.

"The anniversary of her brothers' death is tomorrow John!" Sherlock all but roared.

"I didn't-"

"Think." He stated bluntly.

John stared at the floor, "When she gets back I'll-"

"Do _nothing_. Treat her like normal. Don't mention any of this. If she sees you starting to even look at her differently she'll _run_, she detests sympathy"

John nodded, deeply regretting everything that had happened that afternoon. He didn't know how he was supposed to just ignore the unexplained information he had found. But Sherlock knew Charlie; he knew how she felt and what she did and didn't like and how to treat her and how to deal with her in certain situations.

Sherlock turned away from John and put his hands in his pockets, "Go out and buy a box of malteasers and leave it somewhere for her. Put a note on it, nothing… sympathetic, just 'from John' – that way she'll know it's from you and she'll know you're sorry without having to hear it. Okay?"

John nodded, "Yeah, I'll do that. Thank you Sherlock" John put on his coat and grabbed his wallet. He left 221B and went to the nearest corner shop.

Sherlock looked at the blades in his hand. He needed to get rid of them somewhere Charlie wouldn't be able to get them back again. He'd find the ones in their room then go to Mycroft's – Charlie wouldn't be there by the time the bins were emptied. Besides, Mycroft might have cake for her.


	2. Too curious

John Watson and Greg Lestrade sat opposite each other in Speedy's café, they were having a quick lunch before John had to go and pick up Sherlock from the airport.

"Greg," John said, "can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure, what is it?"

"I made the mistake of reading Charlie's file"

Lestrade's eyes widened, "Oh mate"

"I know. But it doesn't really expand much, does it. I was wondering if you knew the details…?"

Greg frowned, "John, are you trying to get yourself hurt? She'll kill me if I tell you - it's meant to be confidential. And then there's Sherlock! If _he_ realises-"

"Greg, I just want to know what actually happened to her"

Lestrade sighed, running a hand over his face. "I'm going to be murdered, amn't I? What do you want to know?"

"Everything." he answered, "I understand her Dad died in Iraq, that's simple. Then her Mum remarried but… it said accidental death, brackets _'homicide'_"

"Yeah" the DI said slowly. "Well, Charlie's mum remarried and the twins were born-"

"Yeah, I was going to ask about that too, she's never mentioned-"

"I'll get there. It's easier just to take it a bit at a time, Charlie's story, well it's a novel. So, things were fine for a while until her step dad started betting, he got into debt and started drinking - then he started hitting Charlie and her Mum. Well, her Mum got it first then Charlie would get it protecting the boys"

It didn't take a genius to tell Charlie had suffered abuse; she panicked at raised voices, flinched when someone surprised her by appearing too close, hid from arguments - her lack of trust and the way she shut herself off all told John that ages ago. "Right" said John, "so her Mum's death… it _was_ her step father?"

"Charlie's always said so - she saw it, he was hitting her Mum then he pushed her down the stairs. She broke her neck and died instantly. But Charlie's testimony wouldn't hold because she was so young, no-one would listen to her."

John bowed his head, taking a sip of coffee. "Then her step father...?"

"Right, well, there's quite a story to that part as well. After Charlie's testimony had been dismissed she lived to prove the police and the court wrong, mainly out of spite, I think. So she began sneaking around crime scenes, leaving anonymous tips to show them where they were going wrong. Well, eventually she got bored of that and started talking to the police directly, turning up, pointing something out and leaving. Until one day she'd got into a crime scene and was caught. There had been a shooting, three vic's but nobody could find the gun, so they dismissed it and said the killer took it with them; but Charlie thought differently. She _found the gun_ and put it in a plastic bag to _give_ it to the officer in charge. Well that never happened - she was caught and thrown out and sent home, _but_ now she had a gun. So the abuse was still going on and Charlie was still doing her best to protect the twins. About two weeks after she found the gun…" Lestrade paused, took a mouthful of coffee and sighed, continuing grimly. "John, are you _sure_ you want to hear this?"

He nodded regretfully, he needed to understand what had happened to the young woman who had become his friend, "Yes"

Greg took a deep breath. "Charlie's step dad had been _raping_ her. She came in one night from the shops and her step dad was hitting her brothers. She distracted him and he turned to her and she ran to her room," he swallowed hard and continued slower, "And when he came into her room she grabbed the gun and shot him again and again until she was out of bullets."

John's hand came to his mouth as shock hit him; never could he ever imagine Charlie killing anyone, never mind _over kill_.

Lestrade continued after a moment, "Charlie left the room and went to her brothers, got them into their coats and walked them to the police station, calm as anything with the gun in her pocket and blood on her clothes"

"How old was she?"

"I forget, her early teens, maybe 13 or 14"

"She was so young" John breathed.

The DI nodded sadly, "She's never had it easy"

"What happened then? She wasn't arrested, was she?"

"No. The three of them were put into a care home until they were healthy - it wasn't as if they were eating right, then they were given a flat in London near the school they were sent to, which was alright, until Charlie started having nightmares - they got to the point where she wouldn't sleep because she was scared of them, she was falling asleep in classes. She was given sleeping tablets to help her but they didn't work properly, so... she started drinking."

"_Drinking?_"

"She'd drink herself to sleep. She was 15."

"Fifteen…" The doctor repeated, shocked, "oh Charlie"

"She got really bad. They were getting visits by care workers but once she was 16 they just visited the twins in school, and she started drinking more - she turned up to school drunk and soon she just left. She got good at stealing - she stole money and alcohol and food for the boys mostly. And the boys wouldn't say anything because they didn't want to get her in trouble. Well, one day she fell down the stairs and broke her leg, she didn't move for weeks - the twins stole food and drink for her, got themselves to and from school and hid it from the world. Then Charlie got sick, _really_ sick - and everything fell apart. The boys freaked out, the weren't as careful and got caught trying to steal medicine, so they ran, and as they crossed the road to get back to the flat... a truck came down the road and hit them, killed them instantly."

"Oh God"

"She could hear the commotion outside but she couldn't move. Someone recognised the boys and told the police where they lived and then they found Charlie. She was distraught - they had to take her to hospital but she wouldn't eat, she was _dying_. They fed her through a drip and drugged her to keep her docile. She was too sick to get to the twins' funeral. She had to detox while recovering, and when she started to self harm they had to put her in an institution. That's where she met Sherlock."

John's eyes widened, his mouth opened but he had nothing to say.

Greg sipped his coffee a moment before continuing. "He was only a weekly patient at the time, getting off drugs. I don't know exactly what happened, but three weeks later the two of them were out and looking for somewhere to stay."  
John sat silently, taking it all in. It all made perfect sense now, how Charlie was and how Sherlock was with Charlie.

"That's almost unbelievable" he said.

"I know, if she hadn't told me herself I wouldn't have believed it myself"

"When did she tell you? Charlie barely talks about herself"

"When I started letting her work on cold cases she wanted me to trust her, so we went out for lunch and she told me everything. That was a long time ago,

John, she's less open now, being with Sherlock - well, it's not been bad for her, but it's gave her the opportunity to shrink back a bit. She's content not be draw attention any more."

John nodded, "It certainly seems that way." He finished off his coffee, then checked his watch. "Right, Greg, I need to go, Sherlock will be back soon."

"What was he doing?"

"Oh who knows - the last thing I heard from him, he was complaining about someone's grammar."

Lestrade rolled his eyes, "See you later John"

"See you later, and Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you"


	3. index

This story is one of a series. In chronological order they are:

\- Meeting Sherlock Holmes

\- Back to Work

\- Save Me from my Nightmares

\- New Year

\- Study In Pink

\- Lazy Morning

\- Tragedy Shaped Her

\- An Average Day in 221B

\- Christmas Isn't What It Used To Be

\- Killing Yourself Slowly And Calling It Coping

\- Left Broken by his Fall

\- Reunited

I'll update this as more are published :)


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